


Step Forward

by theprimrosepath



Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: Developing Relationship, Drunken Kissing, Fjord Has ADHD (Critical Role), Friendship/Love, M/M, Mutual Pining, POV Fjord (Critical Role), Personal Growth, Unresolved Romantic Tension, how is that not a tag yet? come on guys, very briefly
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-28
Updated: 2020-05-28
Packaged: 2021-03-03 01:34:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,954
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24416713
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/theprimrosepath/pseuds/theprimrosepath
Summary: After a successful day of TravelerCon, the Mighty Nein have a bit of a party. Fjord and Caduceus end up alone. Takes place sometime post-E99.
Relationships: Caduceus Clay/Fjord
Comments: 9
Kudos: 115





	Step Forward

Fjord felt pretty hammered.

They were all having a celebratory late night after a mostly-successful TravelerCon that involved beating up a surprise ambush of lizardfolk, made curious by all the bright lights and raucous festivities. Jester's strange not-god, Artagan, had conjured up plenty of ale and mead for the gathering, Beau had come back from somewhere with bottles of something harder, and they drank.

Right now, Fjord had no idea where most everyone had gone. The Mighty Nein had initially split off to enjoy themselves away from the other worshippers, cultists, whatever, but Jester had disappeared a while ago—probably back to her fellow pilgrims, since she didn't drink anyway.

He _thought_ he remembered something about Beau and Caleb leaving together for a chat. Gods fucking knew where either Veth or Yasha vanished to.

Fjord didn't much care, though—because Caduceus had decided to drink tonight. And a tipsy Caduceus across the table from you made for a lovely and fascinating conversation partner, especially when you were also pretty damn tipsy, too.

"I can't imagine that being Captain Buttonbeard is very comfortable," Caduceus said, leant forward above the glass of mead in his hands. Each word came out of him even slower than normal, like Caleb had slapped out his molasses and cast Slow on them. "I mean, a beard full of buttons sounds very heavy."

"Not _full_ of buttons, _is_ buttons. His beard is buttons."

"Geez, really?" Caduceus made a face. "Yeah, no. That can't be comfortable. How would they be attacked—pardon, _attached_ to his face?"

Fjord took a contemplative sip of the hard liquor Beau had found. "Could you sew buttons on someone's face and then just... heal it?"

"No? I mean... no. Skin doesn't really like it when you're trying to heal it but you've still got things in it. And a whole button beard would still be really heavy. Sewed on... no, that would hurt a lot. That would hurt a lot."

Caduceus was shaking his head as he spoke. The motions dislodged much of his long hair so it dangled now half in front of his face and loose. It had paled considerably from the vibrant pink Fjord remembered being surprised by, when he first woke up in the Sour Nest to familiar, somber faces and an unfamiliar smiling one. The pink still lingered, but the natural white of his hair was obvious now, especially in the soft and warm torchlight.

It entranced Fjord, the gentle sway of it with Caduceus's mellow drawl in his ears. They were leant close enough that he could see individual threads, lit golden, tickle the firbolg's finely-furred face.

"Captain Buttonbeard should really find something else to make his image," Caduceus went on, all earnest concern. "That can't be pleasant for him if they're sewed on. He ought to find a healthcare professional and have them removed and healed up."

"Mhm."

Caduceus's gaze focused on him. Then he paused with mouth still half-open, because Fjord's hand was in his hair.

It was thick and maybe a bit greasy from their past couple weeks at sea, but to Fjord it was still far softer than it had any right to be. He ran his fingers through the locks once, mesmerized, before tucking it all behind Caduceus's shoulder and ear as much as he could manage. His body warmed all over as he withdrew his hand.

Caduceus stared at him, and the confused furrows of his brow relaxed. "Well. Wow."

Now the tips of Fjord's ears were beginning to burn hot. He glanced down and tried to come up with an explanation; what came out was, "Your hair is wonderful."

 _Fuck,_ his sluggish brain cursed. _What does that even mean?_

"Very pink, you know," he tried to add to improve the situation. "Or, well, used to be pink. It's gotten whiter. No thanks to us, I guess."

Caduceus smiled as Fjord finished his joke with a slightly uncomfortable chuckle. "Thank you, I appreciate that. Fortunately, I haven't actually been going white because of you all. I'm perfectly content here. Just haven't redyed it in a while."

"I mean, it was rough there at first, I know." Fjord rubbed the back of his neck, flushed there, too. "Through plenty fault of my own."

"Don't feel guilty. I was uncertain. It was the first time I really saw how the Wildmother was not the ultimate provider of... of the _structure_ I was used to," Caduceus said very slowly, as if picking through his vocabulary carefully amidst the alcohol. "You were all a shock to my system, and that dislodged a few of the assumptions I'd made. I'm very grateful for that."

"I mean... You almost drowned multiple times."

"But I didn't. And I learned something from it."

A puff of skepticism left Fjord's lips, but he raised his eyebrows. "And what did you learn from multiple near-death situations?"

Caduceus's responding smile was familiar—fond but enigmatic, as if he knew better than you in a way that meant he would care for you deeply. It ought to have irritated Fjord, except he rather appreciated it instead. And it was _Caduceus_ , which meant he found the smile embarrassingly endearing.

The swelling warmth in his chest at the sight distracted him until Caduceus's hand was suddenly on his cheek. The hot flush from Fjord's ears crept down his face as the touch transitioned from a gentle pat into something like a caress, if a bit unsteady.

He couldn't break his gaze from Caduceus.

"I learned that chaos stops being all that scary," the firbolg said, "when you're trying to help the people you love."

Time took on a very familiar sensation. It was the same feeling Fjord got right before he'd reached out for the cloven crystal that first time within the merrow lair; before he'd touched the stained glass in the study within the Happy Fun Ball and argued for entering the maw of the astral dreadnought; before he'd asked Caleb to bleed onto an altar with him and sliced his hand open.

That impulse to reach out and satisfy the suddenly overwhelming curiosity within him, consequences be damned.

Fjord reached out. He put his hand on the back of Caduceus's head, fingers burying themselves in his hair, and pulled him in at the same time he leaned further forward to press their lips together.

Later, it would be obvious to Fjord that the kiss was an awkward mess. In between the tipsiness and the surprise of the moment, that first instant of contact had none of the smoothness and much more of a _smoosh_ , especially when Fjord fudged his aim a little and caught more of Caduceus's nose than he'd intended.

But the tension immediately left Fjord as he found Caduceus's mouth, finally, and he more than melted as the hand caressing his cheek shifted to cradle it as Caduceus earnestly kissed him back.

It tasted of a weird blend of alcohols and was sloppy with inexperience on top of it. But in that moment, his curiosity was well-satisfied.

When they broke apart, though, Fjord realized the desire wasn't leaving.

Caduceus's eyes had gone half-lidded. He blinked slowly at Fjord as his reddened lips curved up in a smile, and Fjord shivered at the sight even as he remembered—like every time he'd given in to that urge before, this was a mistake.

"Shit," Fjord breathed.

The smile was a little sad, and he didn't know when it had shifted or if it had perhaps been sad as soon as the kiss ended. "Still not ready?"

Fjord leaned back and tried to ignore the twinge of regret at how Caduceus's hand slipped from his cheek to hang forlornly in the air. "I... We are very not sober. I didn't mean—didn't think—"

Then he twitched and fell quiet as the firbolg laid his hand on top of his, clenched into a fist on the table.

"Take your time, Fjord." Caduceus's voice was gentle as he spoke with the same precise care of earlier, smile still there and reassuring. "I know that the past year for you has had a lot of changes you didn't expect. It's been a slow, bumpy journey for you to process and really figure out what you want now. I'm there with you. I want to give you all the time you want to think about it, if you need it."

Fjord swallowed and relaxed the fist beneath Caduceus's warm palm. "...I don't really know what to make of what I want now."

"Not many would."

"The alcohol in my veins is definitely not helping."

"No, me neither. Quite offensive to the body."

"Indeed." Fjord sighed and rubbed the heel of his free hand on his face. "...How long will you give me?"

Caduceus smiled, and it was the enigmatic kind. "I'm very patient."

Warmth and gratitude—with a small amount of guilt—swelled in Fjord's chest, and he wanted to press his forehead to Caduceus's and kiss him again. Fortunately, his impulsiveness had died down. Only a simmer of want lingered, insistent but not of the forcefulness that would overtake him.

Uncertain and bereft of any wiser ideas on what to do, Fjord leaned back and crossed his arms.

Caduceus tucked his hands back around his mead.

"And if I decide otherwise?" Fjord finally asked.

"Well, as long as we still love each other, it doesn't matter to me how we decide that love takes shape or form. The Mighty Nein is a family. At the end of the day, we all will be here for each other. I will be there for you. That? That's good."

"That is... very simple."

"Is it?"

"I've never heard it work like that before."

Caduceus cocked his head. "Well, that's weird. How does it get more complicated?"

Fjord pursed his lips. "I mean, romance and sex are different from being friends. People take issue with that on occasion."

"Sure."

"You don't get it, do you."

There was a helpless shrug. "I admit, I'm a bit hazy on the details of those distinctions. Or why they matter all that much."

"I think the world would be a nicer place if it thought like that."

Caduceus hummed in response.

"...And it goes both ways. I'm there for you, too. I _will_ be." Fjord said the last with firm conviction. If there was anything about his future he was sure of, it was that.

Perhaps that was what Caduceus meant.

And indeed, the smile he gave in reply was delighted and lovely.

Fjord felt his face begin to flush again. He uncrossed his arms to grab his half-empty glass of liquor. Rather than drinking more, though, he only swirled it slowly around and watched the liquid eddy and gleam in the torchlight. He took a deep, calming breath. "It's getting rather late. Someone around here ought to turn in at a semi-reasonable hour."

He poured the liquor out onto the grass and looked up to see Caduceus smile and incline his head.

"Will you be turning in soon?"

"I'll be up for a while longer." The firbolg tilted his head toward the trees north of them. "I think I want to talk to Caleb about something. Something pretty similar actually, funnily enough."

Fjord had no idea what Caduceus was talking about. "Huh."

"Don't worry about it."

"Gotcha."

Silence between them, except for the distant noise of the Traveler's gathering. As if he sensed the sudden burst of uncertainty in Fjord—and he probably did—Caduceus said softly, "I'll be here in the morning."

Fjord offered a weak smile. Maybe someday his smooth eloquence wouldn't flee so easily around the other man. "That you will. Goodnight, Deuces."

"Goodnight, Fjord."

**Author's Note:**

> find me at [@primrose-path-of-dalliance](https://primrose-path-of-dalliance.tumblr.com) on tumblr, where i post fandom things and the occasional bit of writing.


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